Looking at my computer screen today, it seems that much of American communication is one person trying to get another person to “buy” something. Sometimes they want you to “buy into” something – be it an idea or an activity.

Then we have story tellers and sometimes out and out liars.

I seem to be a list maker and wonder if others are too? I make the usual grocery list, and to do list, but I also find myself outlining how I’m going to do certain things. I have lists of pills I’ve taken that day.

I do a lot of the writing that I do to “get things out of my head”. My house my be cluttered, but I can’t stand for my mind to be that way. If I have all these “to do’s” and “how tos” and “already done” things in my head, I cannot think of all the wonderful new ideas that pop into my mind when my mind isn’t cluttered.

Sometimes I’ll come across written lists from years past and marvel at what was important back then, or how much things cost.

I like to think. I do not like to remember things I can put on paper and then forget until I need to look at that piece of paper.

I make many lists on my computer. I make my grocery lists on the computer. It’s easy to just add something as it pops into my head, easier to read and easier to organize items into where they are in the store so I can get everything without having to double back. I’ve had store employees comment on my typed grocery list, but it is easier for me and the list can span over a week’s time as I run out of things and don’t want to forget to get it when I go to the store.

What do you think about? How our minds work has always fascinated me.

I know when I argue with someone about something that has upset me, memories of previous arguments with the person pop into my head and sometimes come out of my mouth.

I know any time I see a pin striped red and white anything, I think of my grandmother, for she wore a dress made of material that had red and white pin stripes on one of the happiest days of my life.

Smells, as well as sights trigger memories in our heads. I smell coffee and think of my mother with her coffee that tasted so horrible to me as a child (when she let me have a sip to prove to me that I didn’t want any) , but I think of her as I drink my own morning coffee now.

Sounds as well . . . church bells . . . did someone just get married?

Taste? Did I really want that medicine badly enough to tolerate the taste? Sometimes the medicine tastes good and according to a line from The Sound of Music, “Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down” . . .

I’ve been told I’m difficult to converse with. My mind jumps from topic to topic like a grasshopper. I quickly grow bored of most subjects and go to the next one on my mind. It’s probably why I enjoyed working with Kindergarteners and First Graders. We have about the same attention span. I cannot focus, if I’m bored.

So all this popped into my head as I noticed so many emails and so many ads on the internet for things to buy! I guess it is the season.

Gotta get a tree! I took down my Halloween porch decorations yesterday. I’d like to have my Christmas ones up the weekend after Thanksgiving.

Did I mention I’m disabled now? That’s another wonder of the LISTS. Aha, a tall son dropped by . . . here, hang this where I can’t reach without a ladder. Decorating for Christmas, while imagined over the weekend after Thanksgiving will probably take two weeks.

When my sons come by, I ask “Would you like something to eat?” I can cook. We can talk. Put on your helmet because I have many things to talk about and don’t know how many we can cover before you leave. Ready, set, GO!



Lost Another Friend Today

I lost another friend today. That makes two lost friends in about six weeks. No, they’re not dying off . . . I’m just getting fed up. Perhaps at my age, my tolerance level has fallen. God knows I’ve tolerated more bad behavior already than anyone should in one lifetime. I’m tired of it.

I don’t have many friends, so it hurts when I lose one. However, when promises are repeatedly broken, when someone seems to be antagonizing me for their own entertainment . . . losing one seems prudent.

I am well aware, with my approaching birthday that I have far less time to accomplish my lifetime goals than I had in the past. Every day gets me closer to the end of that time. I don’t have time to suffer fools gladly (as Shakespeare would put it) and I will not be disrespected or lied to or have promises broken any more without a close look at what I perceive is the problem.

My friend today, when I told her I would no longer tolerate the way she’s treated me in the past, and actually treated me that way this past weekend . . . her response was “I’ll pray for you”. I have considered that statement and tried to figure out any way her prayers might help ME. I cannot fathom that they will, but perhaps by praying for me, she will call God’s attention to herself? I don’t know and I don’t care.

I’ve had people in the past say those words and it appears they say it when they disagree with you, and want to perceive themselves above you. Well, go for it. I’m done either way.

Time To Get Serious

It’s time to get serious about this writing stuff.

The antibiotic is working and lord knows I’ve sat here on this computer and on the phone working almost all day. I should be doing my own work, but I’ve been doing other people’s work.

There was a time many years ago when things got done by others. Have you noticed how many things you actually have to do now that others used to do as a normal part of their jobs? Well, I have.

Many things are new. Being older brings new skills to light. Medicare. Try navigating that forest of Plans and Formularies, etc. Did you know there’s a medicine that most Medicare Plans don’t cover that costs $7,200 a month? Yep, and I’m supposed to take it. I was not able to pick it up at the drugstore, ha. ha. ha. If I had that kind of money, I’d have sent the chauffeur to get it.

Well, they say aging is not for the weak and it certainly isn’t. People who think older people aren’t that “with it” just have no idea what dragons we slay on a daily basis.

But I’m going to set aside time for my writing. If something goes undone, so be it.

To Write or Not To Write

I don’t know why I beat myself up for not writing when I am sick. I saw a doctor yesterday and got medicine. I feel terrible. Still I’ve tried to handle business problems and cannot because people who draw paychecks, are hiding out when they should be answering phones and doing their jobs.

If they don’t work, why should I?

Nanowrimo 2015

Oh, Nanowrimo, I am sure you are continuing without me. I have signed up and I’ve done some writing, but I’m not as serious about posting my number of words daily as I was a couple years ago.

I don’t know if I will make the 50,000 words total. I hope I do.

I’m leaning more towards taking James Patterson’s online Writing Course.

I’ve taken other courses and they inspire me to write more than trying to write 1600 words daily does. I can do that. I have done it. I frequently write 1000 words a day, but unless I am truly inspired, my writing is not my best.

Is it better to get a whole novel written in one month, or better to write more slowly and more well? I guess it depends on how much editing you like to do?

I will continue with Nanowrimo and I will post my number of words, but my heart just isn’t in it this year.

My birthday is coming up. I think I will buy myself James Patterson’s online writing course. He is one of my favorite authors.


Why do we have to go through our lives trying to decipher who is lying and who is not? Why do people spend so much energy (and money) pretending to be what they are not? Why is a promise given no longer a promise honored? When did the value of a promise die?

I believe the fact that I ask myself these questions explains why I am becoming more and more the hermit. I do not want to sit and listen to pretty, meaningless words and try to determine if any of them are even the truth?

This is why I prefer the company of my pets and other animals to the company of humans.

The dog next door does not like me. I don’t think she even likes herself. She charges out of her front door snarling and growling while yanking on her owner’s arms in an effort to get to who knows where, to do who knows what? But I know that animal does not like me. Her owner, who smiles and sometimes waves, probably doesn’t either. That’s all right. I don’t like her. Who has an animal with that much animosity? What kind of person “nurtures” such a beast? Animals do not become unpleasant by themselves. People do not become liars alone either.

Liars learn from one another. I was mostly nurtured in a church where the truth was supposedly valued and I was taught not to lie. It occurred to me in recent years that I had put myself at a disadvantage by always telling the truth. Liars knew exactly who I was and how to manipulate me.

I thought maybe I could beat them at their own game, but lying just isn’t natural to me and my lies would be met with the incredulous “You’re the WORST liar I ever met”. Besides, it’s a lot of work to keep up with lies you tell and I just have better uses of my energy.

I am cleaning in the room my cat mostly stays in. She is out and about in the other parts of the house, skipping and running and showing how glad she is to have a new mirror brought in and her floors cleaned and her linens changed. My dog, on the other hand, is sulking in her room because she is not getting the cat’s attention right now. These actions I understand. People who smile in my face while waiting for me to turn my back so they can stab it confuse me. That is probably how they want me to feel . Confused. How about instead, I feel alone?

My grandmother once told me that she had rather live with a thief than a liar. So had I. My meager group of friends will possibly grow smaller because I detest liars and have no use for them. I recently found out a friend -or a person I thought was a good friend – was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Why do we always blame ourselves when good liars fool us? But to get back to my first question, Why¬†do we have to go through our lives trying to decipher who is lying and who is not?